Mommy Guilt

Mommy guilt.


It's something I'm sure most Mom's experience on a daily basis. I know that I do.
Today's doses is extra strong though. W, my 18 month old son, has a higher then normal lead level. It was high at his 1 year check up so we retested at his 18 month check up. It had stayed the same. When the nurse called to tell me that my heart dropped. Even though we tried to increase his veggies, calcium and all the other things the paper said helped lower it hadn't changed. The one good thing though is it hadn't gone up either.

  There are so many questions that are raised: such as where is the lead coming from? In all likelihood it's mostly likely from our house. The very thing that we bought to shelter him and keep him safe could be making him sick. His levels aren't high enough to make him sick yet but I can't help but worry. I can't imagine a future this bright little boy may struggle to learn someday because of a house we bought. I hope it never comes to that. I know that we will be doing everything we can to prevent the lead level from rising and hopefully it will decrease. All I can do now is give all my worries over to God and follow the doctor's orders.



Sorry for all the rambling but I had to get all these emotions out.


Caroline

Food that just taste better with a side of memories.

Is there one food that you could make but is just wouldn't be the same? For my family that's strawberry shortcake. We're all capable of making it but we don't. We have Mom make it. I think part of the reason we all enjoy it so much is because of the love that goes into it. The stories and the history that are shared while mixing the batter. The laughter and memories of whipping cream that just wouldn't set up. Puddin and sauce is another one of those foods for me. I've only had it twice in my life but I still have vivid memories of it. My Grandmother made it for the first time while I was at her house because I was sick. She shared the story of how her Mom used to make it for her but only when they were sick. We laughed over the recipe card that would be incomplete to most. There were very few measurements written down. Phrases like "till it looks right" were a big part of it. The second time I had it was when my Mom made it for me right after I had my daughter and she came to visit. I think puddin and sauce and strawberry shortcake are made that much sweeter by the memories we associate with them. 


What are some of the foods that just aren't the same for you? 

Angels Watching Over Us

      Baby B and I were in a bad wreck yesterday. We're both okay, no injuries at all, but my truck is totaled. Looking at the truck after we got out and looking back at the pictures I have no clue how we got out unharmed. I truly believe we had a whole group of Angels watching over us yesterday. All I could think about as the truck was spinning then rolling was please don't let Lbe hurt. Thankfully she wasn't but I was truly terrified. The few seconds it took me to get out of my seat belt and to crawl into the back felt like forever. Once I got her out I just held her close. Thankfully Mr. B was a few minutes behind us so he didn't see it happen. I guess the reason I'm writing this post is to just help process it all. I was really calm right after it happened. I never really lost it. Oh I cried several times don't get me wrong but I wasn't hysterical. It was funny the guy who watched it all happen and called 911 for us told Mr. B that I was calmer then he was.

    Like my Dad said "L sure is going to have quite a story to tell. She was born at home then was in an accident at 13 months and survived without a scratch." I truly think that God has something special planned for my sweet baby girl.

          Well bye for now everyone. Hope all is well in your worlds. Be sure to say a little prayer of thanks for everything you have.

Mrs. B

Answered Prayers

   Hey everyone! Lots of things are changing in our house. God answered some big prayers for us the past month. Mr. B will be medically retired from the MC, which is a huge relief. We have a EAS date now. We aren't sharing it just yet because we still have some things to figure out before we tell everyone. It's a huge relief for me because we have a date to countdown to now. It feels more real to me now. I wish is was sooner for Mr. B's sake because the month before it gets here will be really stressful for him. Please continue to pray for us and all of those deployed.

     Mr. B has been promoted! That was a huge answered prayer for me. With his promotion comes new duties though, one of which was attending a funeral. Mr. B really struggles with the fact that he can't be over there serving with his friends and that he feels like he isn't a Marine because of it. I know there is a reason God kept him over here instead and gave him the dystonia. God has a plan and it's just our job to follow along and trust him even when we wonder why He gave us certain challenges.

   BB is doing great! So much personality in such a small person. She's sitting up, crawling, pulling up and cutting teeth like a pro. She constantly amazes me with the new things she learns. Time is flying by way too fast. She's already almost 9 months old. I've already started planning her first birthday party.

   I'm doing okay, just trying to plan things. Lots of changes coming up for us and I'm trying to pray my way through them. I hope we're making the right decisions for our little family. I'm going to miss our church and military "family" we've made out here. I know we'll keep in contact through email and hopefully the occasional trip out here.

  That's all I can think of to say for now. I'll really work on updating more often.

Hope all is well with you and your family!

Update

Hello everyone!

I've been really terrible about keeping up with this since I had BB. Everything is going well with our little family. BB is almost six months old! Time is flying by way to fast for this Momma's comfort. She is such a mess! Lots of personality in a small package. She's working on trying to crawl and sit up. She loves to play with her toys and inch around on the floor; she's got the whole going backwards thing down. BB is a HUGE Daddy's girl; as soon as she sees him she is all smiles. If you reach for her she'll reach back and her Daddy has already taught her to shake hands. She loves to try and eat her Momma's face. She is teething unfortunately, we're hoping they get in fast. She has the sweetest smile and laugh.

Mr. B is doing well, just working all the time. His unit that he is with is deployed, but he is still stateside due to his medical condition. Please keep them in your prayers. His med board has finally been sent off to Washington, D.C. so now it is just a waiting game. This whole thing has really taught me patience which I could always use some more of. The timeline they gave us is 3 months then 4-6 weeks till our EAS date( the date when he will be separated from the Corps). So around July we should be moving back to our favorite place. We could always use some prayers about all that's going on.

We've been blessed with some really wonderful people out here and I'll hate to leave them but Texas will always be our home. I'm much too close to my family to be truly happy being so far away. Our military family is wonderful and I'm so thankful for things like Facebook so we can stay in contact with them even after we move. Speaking of our military family I'll be making some care packages again soon if anyone would like to donate to them. A good friend of ours is over there and I want to make sure he gets some reminders of home.

I think that is everything that I need to update y'all on. Hope all is well in your little slice of cyberspace.

Family Photos

We finally got to do family photos. I'm so totally in love with this photo!! My sweet baby girl and her Daddy. Had to share it with all of y'all!

Big Changes!

Hello everyone! Sorry it's been a while since I've updated, lots has been going on. BB made her grand entrance into this world on October 3rd. She was in quite a hurry to get so she was born at home and her Daddy delivered her. She is perfect healthy and a wonderful baby. I can't believe how much she's changed already in this past month.

There are also some other big changes in the air for our family. Mr. B was sent to the med board earlier this week. This will determine if he stays in the Marine Corps or if he will be medically discharged. This is such a huge part of our lives. We really hope he will get out because we want to go back home. This process can take anywhere from 3-12 months. We can use lots of prayers during this time. We know it's in God's hands and we just have to turn things over to him and know that whatever happens will be for the best.

Well I have to get of her for now. Hope all is well with you!

Hormonal Ramblings of a 35wk pregnant woman

Please wear more then a hoodie when your in public, I don't want to see your back end Grandma. Also to the cashier who can tell I'm pregnant and by myself please don't put all of the heavy things in one bag. I get that you were trying to make fewer bags for me to carry but I live on the 3rd floor. And finally can I please have my husband back at a decent hour. I would love to have an actual conversation with him before he falls asleep on the floor because he is so exhausted.



Okay let me give you some background on where this came from: I had to go to Walmart for some essentials by myself tonight. I'm feeling huge, tired, exhausted, and my back and hips hurt so bad there are moments I want to cry. Mr. B has been working crazy hours at work all week. He didn't come home the other night and isn't sure when he'll be home tonight. He's exhausted and worn out. 

Okay I'm going to hush and go eat supper now while I watch Chopped on Food Network. Hope your having a great day/night!

Blessed

Yesterday I read a couple of older articles about gestational surrogacy and the writers' efforts to conceive and it really sank in how blessed Mr. B and I are. We got pregnant without trying and I've had a very easy pregnancy so far. Sometimes it's easy to forget how blessed we really are. When I take a step back and look at our friends who weren't sure they were ever going to be able to have a baby to some who waited years and years and suffered through many miscarriages and other tragedies it really puts things in perspective.

 Another thing I discovered yesterday is www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org . This organization is so amazing! They connect professional photographers with couples who's little ones we're born but did not make it, the photographers then do a photo shoot for the families with their precious angel baby for free. On their website is a link to a Today show about them and by the end of it I was bawling my eyes out. When I was in nursing school taking the L&D course we actually talked about how powerful and how grateful the families are when a nurse took photos of them and their precious babies and gave the pictures to them so they could have a physical reminder of their angels. Another thing our instructor told us is to make sure to give the family everything that touched the baby. These things may seem silly or not important to us but when your in that situation having everything that touched your angel is so so precious because it is a physical reminder that they were HERE on this earth and that did exist. If you have the time I highly suggest checking out Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep and watching the Today show segment about them, you just might want to have a box of Kleenex handy.

In closing just remember how blesses you are. Take a look at your precious kiddos and thank the good Lord for bringing them to you and watching over them.

Hope all is well with you!

Livin' Life

Hello everyone! It's been a while since I last updated. Not too much going on in our lives right now. We were able to go back home for a visit and blessed to have two baby showers while we were there. BB is very spoiled and she isn't due for another 3 months! Since we've been back I've just been working on her room and getting things ready for her to make her arrival since we're on the down hill side now. It's crazy how fast things are going now. It seems like just the other day we found out we're expecting. It's getting to be crunch time, we have to start taking all our classes soon just in case BB gets into a hurry. Hopefully she takes her time and keeps baking until closer to her due date. I had a doctor's appointment last week and everything is going well. Mr. B is doing well, just working like usual. Well that's all for now. I'll try and update again sooner then I have been. Hope you have a great day!

Baby Girl

Mr. B and I went for the anatomy scan today. This is the ultrasound that they check to make sure everything is developing properly and where they can also tell if baby is a boy or girl. Well Baby B is a girl!! We're very excited to be expecting the little princess this fall. It was quite a suprise when the tech said it was a girl because everyone thought it was boy, including my Doctor but she wasn't positive. Baby B is healthy and developing properly! She weighs a whole whopping 8oz! This Mommy already thinks her little one is just absolutely perfect! The only thing that has me worried is that she is stubborn already. I might be in trouble if that trait sticks! Hope all is well with you!

Emotional Day

Today is a very hard day for me, you see today would have been the day that I graduated college. I'm so happy for my friends that are, they all deserve it. It's just hard seeing everyone's post about it and realizing they're moving on to a different phase in their lives. The other night I was having a pity party because it was the pinning ceremony for nursing school, which is the nursing school's graduation ceremony. Jake was on duty so it was just me. Right when I was in the middle of it BB gave me a swift kick/punch as if to remind me of what all I have because I'm not in school right now. Because I'm not in school I'm able to live with my husband finally, we're expecting our first baby and living in another state. I have a lot to be thankful for and BB was there to remind me right when I needed it. I'll get over my emotional day soon. And to top it off it's the munchkins' birthday party and I have to miss it for the first time. I'm so thankful for technology because we're going to Skype during it so I can watch them have their cake and open presents. Sorry for all this! Thanks for letting me get it all out.

Baby B!

I'm so excited that I can finally share the big news! Mr. B and I are expecting Baby B in October! We're so very excited about our little one! Its crazy to think that in a few short months we will be parents to a little one. I'll finally be a Mommy. I've been an aunt for 16 years now and I've borrowed and loved on many kiddos through out the years but its finally my turn to be Mommy. Its very exciting and terrifying at the same time. Well thats all for now! I'll be sure to update soon

Catch Up

Hello everyone! So sorry its been forever since I updated. I really need to get better at this . I've been living in California for about a month and a half now. It's been really good and I'm so glad that Mr. B and I are blessed enough to have a "normal" life right now. There is a quote that fits military life really well. It says "The Marine Corps is his mistress and that b**** gets all the attention". Its very fitting. They really do get all the attention because they control his life. When they call he must go, there's no arguing with them. Mr. B has to work duty alot but he's not deployed, so I'll deal with the 24 hour absences and the long days. I love our apartment, its really great. There are the usual loud kids every now and then and a really annoying dog that lives across from us. I'm staying at home right now but hoping to find a babysitting job during the day or even a part time job. We're planning a trip back to Texas in June/ July at the latest. We have lots of exciting things coming up in our lives. Friends coming to visit in June and planning our trip. I'll try to update again next week!

Changes

Hello everyone! Sorry its been so long since I last posted, I'll try to get better about that. So much has happened since then. I'm taking a semester off school, moving to California, and Mr. B isn't deploying yet. Okay let me start from the top and explain. I'm taking a semester off but will either be transferring to a school out here in California or if that's not possible I will be finishing my degree when we get back to Texas, but I will be finishing my degree. Since Mr. B is not deploying and I won't be in school we made the decision that I will be moving out to California sooner then our original plan, which is a-okay with me! We've found an apartment, and sign the contract on it this week. Mr. B will be moving in to it on Saturday. I'm going home to pack and wait until Mr. B can get leave and come get me and our stuff. Then we head west! Now for the last major change in our lives, Mr.B not deploying. Mr.B has a problem that causes his shoulder to twitch, there is no rhyme or reason to it and he never knows when it will happen or how hard it will be. They're currently trying to find the cause of this and because of that he is non-deployable. We could use lots of prayers please.

My emotions are all over the place with everything that is going on. I'm very excited to be moving to Cali to live with the hubby after a year apart with only a few days together every now and then. I'm also scared, nervous and a little bit sad. I'm scared because I've never lived anywhere but Texas, heck I've lived in the same house my entire life! I'm nervous because this is a cross country move and the drive kind of worries me. Also we will be starting a brand new life. We don't know very many people out here, I have to find a job and its our first time living together. I'm sad because of those I will be leaving behind, I know its not permanent but its still hard. I'm gonna miss "my babies" so much. I haven't gone more then a couple of weeks without seeing them since they were born almost 5 years ago, and I'll be missing their birthday, their first day of school and who knows what else while away. I also won't be seeing my friends that I made while at school, those amazing women who helped me make it through every day and were always there to encourage me when I was feeling down or needed a girl's night out. I love those girls so much! I know we will keep in contact but it just won't be the same, and sadly I don't think I will be there to cheer them on as they walk across the stage. All of these things stink but in the end its worth it, and I would make this decision all over again. You see thats what you do for love. I'm not leaving them forever but just for a little while. The military needs us in California right now but as soon as we're done with it we're headin back to Texas!

Counting Down

Most of you know that Mr. B and I live in separate states right now due to my schooling so we don't get to see each other as often as I would like (which is everyday lol). Mr. B was able to come home over Thanksgiving and that was the first time I was able to see him in real life and not over a computer in 2 and a half months. I know we're very lucky to be able to talk on the phone and Skype most days but I can't help but wish we had a normal life. Mr. B makes fun of me but I have this wonderful app on my phone called Days Until and it keeps me sane. I can put in the date and it will tell me how many days until I will see my hubby again. This little app helps me when I just wanna go crazy. I can stop and take a look at how many days are left, I love seeing it get smaller and smaller. I know that I shouldn't complain because he isn't deployed right now but some days just suck. Sorry yall I'm in one of those moods tonight. Only 15 days....

Love

Love is such a strong emotion and it invokes so many feelings. Love is often a very over used word too. We "love" a new song or a pair of shoes, that's not real love, that's just a strong amount of like. You see to me and in my life love is much stronger then anything I could feel for shoes. Its a passion that makes everything more magnified and so much stronger. Love means fighting over stupid things and getting angry with each other but it also means getting over those feelings quickly. It means crying over stupid things because your so emotionally charged. This has really hit me lately because it seems Mr. B and I get into arguments over the stupidest things lately and a lot of it is because I love him so much and want him to be home. This darn distance is really a big pain in my back-end because it means I can't come home to him everyday, and it sometimes means things get misinterpreted. Cell phones and text messaging is great don't get me wrong but its easy to read or hear things the wrong way. So just remember that no matter what may happen during the day having someone to come home to, email, call or text every night is amazing and to know that they will always be there for you. It blows my mind sometimes to just stop and remember that Mr. B loves me so much he promised to spend the rest of his life with me! Makes you feel pretty special :)

A little about us

Hello everyone! Most of you who are reading this probably know Mr. B and I but just in case you don't I'll give you a little background on us and explain why I named this blog what I did. Mr. B and I met in high school at the county show our junior year. I was showing cattle and he was showing goats. My heifers were pushing me back and forth while fighting over each others food( even though it was the same) and he came over and asked if I needed help. I said no but we struck up a conversation from there. The rest you might say is history. Here we are now almost 5 years from that fateful day and we're happily married and living our fairytale life. No its not the perfect life I thought I wanted when I was younger but I've come to realize that nothing is perfect and our life especially isn't but its perfect for us. You see this is my fairytale life because I'm married to my hero, who may have not been a knight but he sure is my hero. Mr. B doesn't wear shining armor but desert or woodland camis depending on the season and sometimes if I'm really lucky he wears his dress blues. Mr. B is a Marine, and I'm so proud of him for that.I'm certainly not a princess but a simple farm girl who is trying to become a nurse. Another thing that wasn't part of my fairytale life was being a military wife, I watched my sister when I was younger and saw everything she went through as an Army wife and knew that wasn't the life for me, but here I am. You see I'm a military wife because I love my husband so much that it will be okay for four years. Its never fun to have someone else to run your life and tell you when you can have your husband home but its only for a short time. I'm living my fairytale because I'm married to the man of my dreams and I know at some point in the near future we will be living in the same state again and the a little further down the road baby B may come along. Hope I didn't bore you too much with our little story. One thing I want to say is be sure and remember even though you may not think your life is a fairytale I bet if you take a second look you'll realize it really is, it just may be a different one then you originally thought you wanted.